Now is NOT the time for me to be a good friend.
It’s not on purpose. It feels out of my control, but most of all this isn’t an excuse. Life is genuinely SO crazy busy that I don’t have time to be the friend that I want to be. Growing up, I had so many wonderful friends and we have so many treasured memories together. Although I have two sweet, younger brothers, I have always yearned to have a sister. It really feels like there is something missing in my life without one. My mom and I are SO incredibly close and admittedly I do love being the only daughter, but there are times when I feel almost jealous seeing that sister bond between others. Thankfully, God has blessed me with friends who are almost as close as a sister, and I am so grateful for them!
Shortly after Liam was born, I would see pictures on Facebook of “the gang” out and about and felt like I was totally given the brush off. Jealousy turned to anger which turned to sadness. Did they forget to text me? *checks phone* No…… Did they call me? No….. I WASN’T invited!! I left the passive-aggressive comment, “Looks like fun.” Or “Wish I was there!” Immature? Yes! But I am the LEAST confrontational person in the world.
Being that my Mom and I are so close, I confided my hurt feelings to her and she shared her amazing motherly wisdom. (Now that I AM a mom, it’s totally true. Mom IS always right.) It wasn’t that my friends intentionally left me out; I JUST had a new baby and it’s assumed my friends knew I probably wouldn’t have gone out, even IF I was invited. That made me feel a little better, and she was right. I never wanted to sacrifice the time I had with Liam. When I am away from my children it feels like I’m a puzzle missing pieces. I am truly happiest when I’m with my babies.
As a little girl, Mom would always impart to us that there will always be one person who is the better friend, and she urged all three of us to BE that better friend. Doing my best to always heed that advice, I admit now that I feel like I am the absolute WORST friend right now.
It’s not that I intentionally don’t answer the text messages, but I don’t have time to check my phone that often, and if I do know where my phone is, chances are it’s dead from the kids watching other kids play with Play-Doh on YouTube. (How weird is THAT trend??)
Eventually, I realized the days of going out and staying out late were far and few between. Part of being a new mom, and life in general, is accepting and welcoming new normals. Even if I was invited to go sing karaoke, my Britney Spears solo would have to wait because on a night off there was NO way I could keep my eyes open past 10 p.m. Was there really a time I could be out till 3 in the morning and still make my 8 a.m shift to work?! Come to think of it, those fun days of my youth were good preparation for sleepless nights with new babies!Sleep is far too precious to be intentionally sacrificed anymore!
The up-all-nighters have evolved to play-dates.
This is an amazing stage in my life where most of my friends have gotten married, started having babies, and planted roots into a beautiful bloom of Life. Below is a picture of my friend Laurelle and her firstborn Lilia. Laurelle and I have been friends since we were 4!! Now we can hold each other’s daughters knowing they’ll also be the best of friends! <3
With all of these new beginnings, it seems like time is on hyper speed and every time I turn around, I’m lying in bed thinking of the day that’s ending and planning for the new one approaching.
In those sleepy thoughts, SO many friends come to mind and I wonder how they’re doing, what’s going on in their life, and think how LONG it’s been since I’ve talked to them.
Should I reach out to them at 3 in the morning? “No Brittney, text them in the morning that you were thinking of them!” Those are my intentions, but when the sun and my children arise it’s time for breakfast, diaper changes, school lessons, laundry, sweeping up Goldfish in the couch cushions, packing bags, going to work, reminding myself the van needs an oil change, and then it’s time to go to bed again.
We are a really busy family of 5 with swim lessons, co-op, Sunday school, and all kinds of itineraries.
In the hectic, chaotic days I am truly thankful for this marvelous life!
I know that I’m not alone. This may ring similar in your soul in the craziness of motherhood and all the business that entails. We are responsible for so much, that I feel my mom friends understand that I can’t be there for them as much as I’d like to. They must be in the same boat!!
24 hours in one day just isn’t enough. Is it?
If only we had more hours, arms, and energy.
At the beginning of this year, it was really pressed upon my heart to be a better friend. Let the laundry pile up and make the phone call. Not a text message, but an actual call and catch up on a long-missed conversation. I really want to start visiting my friends more often as well. How sad it is to see their kids grow up on social media, but then in person I am a total stranger to them.
“Oh, Timmy! I saw you lost a tooth!”
Cue the “Who-is-this-crazy-woman-who-knows-my-business” stare. I don’t have any nieces or nephews YET, but I love all the kids in my life as if they were my own.
If you feel that you aren’t a great friend right now, or if you DID, what or how did you fix it? I’m trying to be more intentional with my time and maximize it.
Coffee dates at my house are always open, and I know the road goes both ways. If you need me to come over and watch your baby while you take a nap, just reach out. This is a crazy season, but I don’t want my friends to think that I’ve forgotten them. We are all juggling 4,506 things at once, so maybe a designated break once a month to get together is exactly what we all need.
Let us know how you manage mom life and friendships in our B100 Mom Squad Facebook group! We would love to have you and personally welcome you to our squad!
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